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Archive for the ‘Crime’ Category

After my last musings, someone mentioned that the penis isn’t the subject of any works of art.  I totally agree.  What artist in his/her right mind would want to glorify something that most of us only want to see right before entry?  And, maybe, not even then.  I mean, even the Greek and Roman artists seemed to avoid the area. Did you ever see their statues?  It’s like they confused “penis” with “thumb.”  If that’s an example of male prowess in antiquity, remind me to never build a time-machine.

Anyway, I began thinking about the “johnson as art”.  That’s an oxymoron.  I suppose the only thing that comes close is the decorative dildo.  And, may I say, who the hell thought that would be a good idea?  Since the real-life subject is so utterly ridiculous looking, why not memorialize it?

This brings me to Ramon Novarro.  He was a delectable silent film star who is now best remembered for his death.  What made his death memorable? I’m so glad you asked.

celebdeaths-ramonnovarro

He was beaten to a bloody pulp by two inbred morons.  However, it was their choice of murder weapon that elevates this into the WTF stratosphere.  They used a lead dildo.  Who doesn’t have one of those around the house?  But wait!  The bizarro train hasn’t reached the station yet.  It was a lead replica of Rudolph Valentino’s dick.  Not only was the man killed by his own possession, he was killed by one of the world’s most embarrassing possessions.

Here’s a little bit of advice.  Never own something that will mark you as a “freak” after your demise.  Don’t own adult diapers unless there’s an old person in your home.  Don’t own rubber sheets.  Don’t own a leash unless you have a dog.  Don’t own anything labeled “commemorative”.  Don’t own anything manufactured by the Franklin Mint.

Most importantly, under no circumcisions…  I mean… circumstances should you ever own a metal replica of someone’s johnson.  They’re much more enjoyable when they’re still attached to the original owner.

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