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ifyoudied11

This ad asks the question, “If you died today, what would happen to your family’s future?”  Looking at the “grieving widow”, I think that answer is rather obvious. She’s going to spend the insurance money on sin, sex and other sensual and salacious sports.

Does the insurance company really think that this ad campaign will encourage men to buy policies?

This widow, who I’ve christened “Lolita Lottalips“, looks anything but upset about her husband’s passing.  In fact, it looks like Ms. Lottalips may have given hubby a helping hand into the grave.  I mean, it wouldn’t take much.  A rickety ladder, a supposed need for something on a high shelf and..  PRESTO!  Lolita’s days are filled with shopping and her nights are filled with the pool boy.  Or, rather, she’s filled with the pool boy.

If an afterlife exists, her recently cold and stiff husband is watching Lolita make other men hot and stiff.  Showing up at the funeral dressed like a femme fatale might be a clue that her grieving process includes full-body contact.

Let’s face it.  The newly fatherless boy, who I’ve named Timmy, won’t be spending much quality time with Mommy in the future.  Unless, of course, bringing Mommy her martini counts as “quality time”.  Lolita is going to wait until he’s a little older before she pays any attention to him.  That way, she’ll be able to make inappropriate passes at Timmy’s school chums.

(And, “chum” is what they would be.  I think she might be a shark.)

Now that I think about it, I believe Lolita Lottalips may be my new hero.  Hmm…..

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