Please Don’t Say “Hello” If You’re “Happy”

Let’s get the obvious out of the way.  All cultures are different.  Practices that are acceptable in one society are totally taboo in another.  Blah… Blah… Blah.  However, let’s get to the real point.  Some cultures are BETTER than others.  I bet you think I’m going to embark on a tirade about the superiority of Western norms, don’t you?  Well, I would.  But, honestly, who wants to deal with the hate mail?  So, let’s take a different tack.

I publicly announce my preference for the customs of the aboriginal natives of the Andaman Islands.  (Didn’t see that one coming, did ya?)  We’re so dull in the West.  We greet one another with a handshake.  Or, if we’re really familiar, arms are opened for a hug.  The evil among us will employ the pretentious “air kiss”.  However, Andaman men have an entirely different method.

They take hold of their salutary shaft and wag it in your direction.

He’s just saying “hi”.  I think.

Think how this custom could benefit our society.  Have a contentious business meeting in the future?  Don’t fear.  If you’re brandishing a bodacious boner, the opposing side will flaccidly fall back.

The dating world would be revolutionized.  Tedious hours of small talk and flirting will be abbreviated depending upon the abbreviation of the appendage in question.  Bars will finally be free of the herds of salacious singles thus returning the Kingdom of Booze to its rightful rulers:  drunks.

All in all, I think we could borrow a page from the Andaman natives’ etiquette book.  Mind you, we just need to flip past the chapter that describes their other greeting ritual – their habit of lobbing spears at strangers.  That just seems uncivilized.