After my last musings, someone mentioned that the penis isn’t the subject of any works of art. I totally agree. What artist in his/her right mind would want to glorify something that most of us only want to see right before entry? And, maybe, not even then. I mean, even the Greek and Roman artists seemed to avoid the area. Did you ever see their statues? It’s like they confused “penis” with “thumb.” If that’s an example of male prowess in antiquity, remind me to never build a time-machine.
Anyway, I began thinking about the “johnson as art”. That’s an oxymoron. I suppose the only thing that comes close is the decorative dildo. And, may I say, who the hell thought that would be a good idea? Since the real-life subject is so utterly ridiculous looking, why not memorialize it?
This brings me to Ramon Novarro. He was a delectable silent film star who is now best remembered for his death. What made his death memorable? I’m so glad you asked.
He was beaten to a bloody pulp by two inbred morons. However, it was their choice of murder weapon that elevates this into the WTF stratosphere. They used a lead dildo. Who doesn’t have one of those around the house? But wait! The bizarro train hasn’t reached the station yet. It was a lead replica of Rudolph Valentino’s dick. Not only was the man killed by his own possession, he was killed by one of the world’s most embarrassing possessions.
Here’s a little bit of advice. Never own something that will mark you as a “freak” after your demise. Don’t own adult diapers unless there’s an old person in your home. Don’t own rubber sheets. Don’t own a leash unless you have a dog. Don’t own anything labeled “commemorative”. Don’t own anything manufactured by the Franklin Mint.
Most importantly, under no circumcisions… I mean… circumstances should you ever own a metal replica of someone’s johnson. They’re much more enjoyable when they’re still attached to the original owner.
Trish, check this out: http://www.dildodesigner.com/index.php?act=viewDoc&docId=6
Should you change your mind about the brilliance of having a replica of somebody’s prick on your wall, you can cast from the model of your choosing.
Haven’t they outlawed lead products now? The man you speak of would still be alive if he had only been born in a different era.
And no leashes without a dog, or children. At Six Flags the other day I accidentally walked between a woman and her two pre-school age children that she was leading around with leashes. As I untangled myself I said, “they are children, not pets, you can really do better than this.”
Why the penis hatred?????
…Anyhow, I guess I should take your advice, and get rid of my metal replica dildo — would you like to have it?? It would be quite a shame for it to go to waste…..
I’m old-fashioned. I prefer a penis to be made of flesh and still attached to the owner. 🙂
If you haven’t heard the song “Detachable Penis” by King Missile you must stop typing and go to itunes to download it pronto!
Trish, I am eagerly awaiting your next post….
I’ve had nothing to read for days!!
I regret reading this.
You merely read it. I, on the other hand, wrote it. Imagine my feelings.