I’ve noticed that men have an almost devotional relationship with their penises. They talk about “junior” like it’s a separate entity. Sometimes, they give it a name of its very own. I have yet to meet a woman who does that with her genitalia. Speaking for myself, I don’t call my breasts “Thelma and Louise” or “Tom and Jerry”. Truthfully, I don’t think they would even respond to those names.
Considering how much men like their organ, it’s a shame they can’t actually date themselves. I mean, wouldn’t it be convenient if men could take their penises out to dinner, go see a movie and, ultimately, make the moves on themselves?
This brings me to the thrust… I mean… point of my argument. Men are so enamored with their johnsons, they think everyone else is equally enthralled. What else explains their constant invitations to display the family jewels? Of all the delights that the computer-age has delivered, the web cam is the least appealing.
“hello baby, you want to see my dick on web cam?”
The only way I want to see your dick is if it’s removed from your body and submerged in a bottle of formaldehyde. If I see your “man meat”, I fear I’ll never want to date another man in my life.
“hi trish i can show you my cock i swear respond me please”
I’m sure you can show me but it’s not necessary. Really. I’m not sure why you need to “swear”. Do you think that I doubt your earnestness? I honestly don’t. I admire the fact that you request an R.S.V.P. Evidently, you’re a stickler for etiquette.
“wanna see my hard cock? cybercock_@******”
Sweet baby jeebus. Let me count the ways in which I don’t want to see that. Thank you for promising me that you would be hard because that really sweetens the deal. However, I don’t want to see your “love spear” hard, flaccid or any condition in-between. While your email address certainly is truth in advertising, I think a more appropriate choice would have been:
“cyberpig_@i_only_sleep_with_inflatable_women.com”
(Nota Bene ~ Some of you have asked if I actually know the men who send such erudite messages. Ummm… Have you seen the men on my “Friend List”? It’s populated with the interesting and the attractive. I’ve seen road kill that’s better looking and wittier than these ads for abstinence.)
The WTF Files 
It is an odd one… I was the only male in my high school with a nameless penis, and it has made me feel woefully inadequate ever since…
Worst name I can remember: “Percy”…I mean …”Percy”….really!?
But so as not to be outdone…as I am so against that… I have setup a webcam at seeMyManBoobsWiggle@aol.com
9.95 for the first minute 3.95 each additional minute…
Sadly, people use this approach because it occasionally works. The picture such behavior paints of the modern world gets uglier day by day.
trish – Uh…Who are these guys you know that are like this? Respectfully suggest you upgrade your circle of acquaintances.
Jack<—who, thank God on High, has never “named” his penis, nor offered it for display on webcam
P.S. How about a piece on why the words for male and female genitals are the two yuckiest words in the English language? I’m really glad there are several usable slang terms for these body parts, because “penis” and “vagina” have GOT to be the two most unappealing terms imaginable.
Some men are just clueless. Although it does serve an excellent purpose in intimate situations, for me (and I daresay most women) the penis is one of the ugliest things on earth. Nicknaming it does not make one bit of difference.
Personally I don’t want some strange man’s member flaunted in my face any more than I want to see my dog lick his butt. It causes basically the same reaction. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a work of art focused on that particular body part, and I hope I never do.
Damn … can’t a fella offer to show his genitals without becoming a victim of derision? And if you make a crack like “the likelihood of escaping derision is proportional to the size of his …” I’ll never send you Polaroids of my testicles again.
http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/arts/artwork/michelangelo-sculptures7.htm
He’s 14 feet tall, so at eye level…